Don't be a sped teacher for the gratitude

So today I get a letter in my mailbox asking for volunteers for mentors. So I figure, this is a good way to be involved. I'll be a mentor. So I ask the guidance counselor, and she says, "No, the students will come ask you." Well, I am a new teacher. Who the heck is going to ask me? What about 6th graders who don't know anyone? Sigh. So much for volunteering.

So I get a different memo for all math teachers. Each person has their name and what time they should be somewhere. It lists all the math teachers except me. Then at the bottom it says, "All resource room teachers." Gee thanks. And the time I am supposed to go is the time I don't even have students. So they modify the memo and take out the resource room thing altogether. So now I don't have ANY time. So basically, I am just an oversight and an afterthought. It is just so frustrating! And kids and parents are always saying they want to get OUT of your class. It is always the place people want to get away from. I know you aren't supposed to take it personally, but it takes a toll.

On top of that, Heather is a new RR teacher, just like me. I can't tell if she is a really great teacher and I should be jealous or a really huge wacko and I should try to save her. It is her first year teaching. Yesterday, she ate a live worm for her class. I thought this was annoying because I despise attention whores on any level. But hey, she got their attention. So today, one of the teachers in our section basically told her not to do anything else that was "stupid" b/c she was fielding calls about "the incident" from other units all night. So apparrently they different units are battling against each other and it is the freakin Jets vs. the Sharks here or something. That left a really bad taste in my mouth.

Even though things are getting better, I am still always wondering if I made the right decision. The grass is always greener right?

Administration: Barnegat wins in a landslide
Schedule: Brick. I am so bummed I would have had the last 2 off this year.
Friends: While I only had a few in Brick, I have even fewer in Barnegat. Edge to Brick.
$: Brick. I would be making more this year.
Travel: Def. Barnegat
Unit Time: Brick. B-A-G-E-L-S. Enough said.
Culture: I am sad to say it but I miss the strict regimen of Brick.
Experience: I would be one year closer to tenure if I had stayed. Brick.

I guess it is just really hard to try to work on a reputation in this atmosphere.


I suppose it is currently at Barnegat 2, Brick 6
Yikes.
That's depressing. I'd better try to see things in a different light to even the score.

Well, Kathy Campbell is def. a -1 for Brick. And the fact that I don't have to go to any PTA meetings or band concerts is another bonus for Barnegat.

So I will leave with the score Barnegat 4, Brick 5.

Better, but I am still working on it

Week 2

So begins another week of school. I can't really explain why I feel so bleh about school but I do. I just feel like something is missing. I really hate feeling this way. I feel like a kid when I am waiting for the bell to ring. I need to get the passion back but I am having a really hard time with it.

Before the kids even arrived today, we had a fire drill. When one of the teachers came back in, she asked why the doors were closed. I explained that we had a fire drill and she replied, "Oh no, sweetie. It was a flood. You will realize that that happens a lot here." Okay why ask me if you already know the answer? Not to mention, I am not a "sweetie."

My CST person sat in on my class today and he really made me feel like he was my boss. He has a certain way of making me feel inferior. I really hope things start to feel better soon.

Need to Escape

It is only the third day of school and already today, I felt like I needed to escape. I just started feeling down and needed to go to Wawa at lunch. Just to feel the sun on my face. I am really not sure if I can reach these kids. They are completely unmotivated. And 85 minutes is such a long time to hold their attention.

My parents called and asked if the Barneghetto (har de har har) was better than Brick. The unspoken question was "You aren't going to leave this job too are you?"

I barely got any sleep after the first day. I laid awake for hours thinking of school and the kids. I miss my kids from last year. I guess most of all I miss Kristie. She could at least tell me what the hell I should be doing. Some people are naturals. I don't think I am one of those people. Kristie was also my window to other people. I feel a little reclusive here. I have always been more of a hermit.

First Day of School Part 2

Sometimes I just wonder if i am cut out for things. I don't even mean teaching per se, sometimes just life in general. I see people so cheery and students already love them and they make a bunch of friends and I just feel so blah. I don't know why I am having a pity party all of a sudden but I guess I already miss being considered a GOOD teacher and having a support system (even if it was small) in Brick. I miss my friends and my routine. I am tired of uprooting and starting over.

First Day of School

I survived my first day of school. My students are pretty much what I expected. My in-class support partner didn't even know I was coming so that was interesting. My one class has only 5 kids so that's wonderful.

Like the smart person I am, i decided to use a pencil for leverage today on a hole punch (long story) and wound up slicing 3 of my fingers open on the metal in the pencil. So in addition to the TB test I got at the doctor today, I also wound up with a tetanus shot. So between my fingers and getting shots in both arms today, I am already ready for bed.

I missed Kristie and Rosemary today so much today it hurt. It is not fun starting over and not having your close friends with you. But I still think I made the right decision.